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Today should have been a good day, I saw seven of my grandchildren and two of my sons yet I still can’t shake this feeling of melancholy. I hate it when I feel this way, the more you try to drag yourself out the deeper you seem to sink.
I have just watched Lethal Weapon 2 for the umpteenth time, it is still not a bad movie. Earlier in the evening we watched Graham Norton, one of his guests was Engelbert Humperdink, can you believe he is Britain’s entrant in the Eurovision Song Contest, the Brits are obviously not taking that competition too seriously.
Kristen Stewart was also a guest, I had no idea who she was but apparently she stars in the Twilight films which I have never seen. While I cannot comment on her acting ability she did not seem to have a lot of personality.
All in all today has been a crappy day, I think the best idea might be to go to bed and make out it never happened.
Much against my better judgment we decided to watch the second show of The Living Room on Channel 10. I am afraid tonight’s episode did nothing to endear the show to me at all. Amanda Keller looked like no-one had done her hair and the chef, Miguel I think his name is, he seems like a lovely man but you cannot understand a word he says he has such a heavy Spanish accent. There is a segment called What’s Hot and What’s Not, I can tell you what’s not, The Living Room.
Three episodes back to back of Escape to the Country tonight, the first a compilation show and the next two repeats. I am so tired of repeats, what ever happened to Friday Night at the Movies?
Brian is now downstairs watching Ab Fab, what he and the rest of the world see in that show is completely beyond me, perhaps I am the strange one.
I am now on the self-help bandwagon. I have read The Secret numerous times and I am now reading The Power by the same author. I found The Secret in particular to be quite a powerful and thought-provoking book, this jury is still out on The Power as I have only just started reading it. It is time to practice what I read and dispel all negative thoughts, sometimes easier said than done. The secret is never to give up.
To finish up tonight a quote from The Secret, “The Great Secret of Life is the law of attraction. The law of attraction says like attracts like, so when you think a thought, you are also attracting like thoughts to you”. Now there’s a thought.
I have always been self-sufficient, the master of my own destiny, but this year is really testing me. This year is testing a couple of my sons as well, you never stop being a father, I just wish I could fix everything with a bandaid and a hug like I did when they were little.
All of my boys are strong, stronger than they sometimes give themselves credit for so I am sure everything will work out in the long run for them all. You just have to hang in there guys, all things come to those who wait.
They say that one door shuts and another one opens, but every now and then you come across one that is well and truly stuck and you just have to keep pulling. Right now I can’t even get through the doggy door.
I don’t feel sorry for myself and I don’t want anyone else to either, just keep sending out some positive vibes and I will send more back in return. I keep telling Brian I can feel the big one coming and I can. 2012 will be a year to celebrate, the first year of the rest of my life.
Today I picked my granddaughter Alyssa up after school and took her to the Women’s and Children’s Hospital as her sister Caitlin had minor surgery. Caitlin is home now and will be fine, but I did learn something that quite upset me.
When Caitlin was 18 months old she contracted pneumococcal meningitis that nearly claimed her life and left her completely deaf. Not long after her recovery she was fitted with a cochlear implant so she can hear from one ear, although she is also very good at lip-reading if need be.
Caitlin seems to contract infection after infection and we have now found out that she has a significant problem with her immune system, and probably always has done, which may well be why she got ill as a toddler. The upshot is that her immune system may never be normal and she will require monthly intravenous shots of antibiotics to maintain her health, this could well continue for the rest of her life.
Not a bad prognosis when you consider the plight of so many children less fortunate and something she will get used to.
In the meantime there is something odd going on in my life at the moment that I cannot explain, and I certainly do not understand. I can only hope that tomorrow things will be clearer.
They say that to err is human and to forgive is divine, well I have made a lot of mistakes in my time but it seems that I am destined to not be forgiven. I am tired of turning the other cheek and saying I’m sorry, how about someone else having a go.
I have been estranged from my siblings for over ten years, in particular my brother, as I am gay. Now I have done nothing wrong here, I am still the same person, but because of my brother’s attitude to myself and Brian, it is us who is ostracised from family functions.
For the first time in over ten years we were all together a few weeks ago when our mother wa so ill, he would not even look at me. All I have heard from some of my relatives for years is pull your head in, your mother deserves to be able to have all her children together. I did that for her sake but it seems that my siblings are not prepared to do the same.
I visited Mum yesterday for Mother’s Day and checked her visitor’s book, it was then I found out there had been a family lunch to celebrate her recent birthday. I was not invited again. Do not ever tell me to pull my head in again.
To say I am hurt is an understatement, but I am not surprised. In the case of my brother me thinks thou protesteth too much. As for my sisters one just likes to say the right things but she is not prepared to go against the flow, as for the other, not worth mentioning.
Tonight I had intended to vent my frustrations about my ignorant siblings but they will have to wait for tomorrow night. I have just come upstairs after watching QandA and there was simply so much discussed that begs my opinion I cannot resist.
Firstly on the issue of gay marriage, while marriage is not for Brian and I, I do feel it is everybody’s right to make their own choices, so I do support gay marriage. It is not my fault, nor anyone elses for that matter, if they happen to fall in love with someone of the same sex. This will be an issue at the next election, maybe not an official issue, but a factor of consideration for many voters.
This leads me to the discussion on whether children need both a mother and a father, I think not. All children want is to be loved, does it matter the gender of their parents as long as they are receiving that love, no it does not. With the increase in divorce just how many children are raised with both a mother and a father. I know of a number of families where there is a single parent and no communication with the other parent, those children are no less advantaged than children from a two parent dysfunctional family. Blood counts for nothing, it is what is in your heart that matters.
Now the question of equality in Australia. All Australians are equal on the surface but scratch beneath that surface and that is another matter. I do not agree with the baby bonus, nor do I agree with paid maternity or paternity leave. Having been a small business owner I know what that would have done to me as a business owner. What I do believe in is means testing and helping those that really do need it, and this includes foreign aid. Australia must take its place in the world and be seen to do its bit lest some other country decide we have too much and try to take it another way.
That is my opinion.
Brian and I have done a lot of travelling today, over 400 kilometres. We picked Brian’s mother up around 11.00 this morning and drove through Hamley Bridge, Rhynie, Tarlee, Stockton, Auburn, and had lunch in Burra, before driving home via Robertstown, Eudunda and Kapunda. Brian is suffering for it tonight, his back is aching. Unfortunately we got back too late to visit my mother in the nursing home so I will make the trek out there tomorrow by myself.
We got home in time to catch the end of the Port and Fremantle football game, at least Port are consistent this year, consistently bad that is. You would think their year is just about over already, it would be a big ask to come back from here.
A couple of weeks ago I bagged Jessica Watson on Dancing With The Stars, tonight she waltzed to Edelweiss from The Sound of Music, it was quite beautiful, she should be very proud. Castle was full of suspense tonight, quite a cliffhanger at the end, at least we only have to wait until Wednesday to find out the two leads live.
This little black duck is a bit tired, not as young as I used to be, and I have been cramped in the back of our Accent all day so its off to bed. Bye!